Each time I lost a loved one, my world changed in an instant. The emptiness inside was immense, and life seemed to lose its meaning. In those moments, words often feel insufficient. Whether it’s the loss of a parent, a life partner, a child, or a close friend, grief is a deeply personal journey—but the pain is overwhelming and universal.
In this article, I will explore the stages of grief and offer some suggestions that may help you cope during this time of suffering. It’s important to know that you’re not alone, and although the pain may feel endless, there are both internal and external resources to support you along the way.
While theories suggest that grief unfolds in clear stages—shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—the reality is far more fluid. We don’t move through them in a strict order; instead, we often shift back and forth, sometimes experiencing multiple stages at once.
What Is Grief?
Grief is said to be the natural emotional response to losing a loved one, but it is also a process of learning to live with the absence of someone who was close to us. It has no fixed timeline and doesn’t follow a straight path. Some days you might feel like you’re making progress, while others, the pain returns with the same intensity.
Grief is not something to “get over,” but a road we learn to walk. Accepting this process is vital for healing, and each person moves through it at their own pace.
In practice, it hurts unimaginably, and when you’re in it, nothing makes sense—no shape, no color. You can feel like a shadow among people, smiling at nice moments but not really present, or lashing out at a waiter for being late with your water, when in truth you just miss someone you lost. In practice, everything feels more chaotic.
The Stages of Grief and How to Cope with Loss
The classic model by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identifies five main stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—as a valuable starting point for understanding this complex process. However, it’s not the only framework.
Psychologist J. William Worden proposed another model, “The Tasks of Mourning,” which encourages active involvement in the healing process. Instead of simply moving through emotional states, it suggests that we consciously work through the pain and integrate the loss into our lives.
You may wonder, “How do these theories actually help me heal?” The answer is simple: sometimes we act mechanically—doing things just because we know they’ll eventually help. And for that, it’s useful to understand the stages and how they work. In darkness, a flashlight is helpful—consider these stages and tasks your flashlight for navigating grief.
Navigating the Stages of Grief: Lessons from the Kübler-Ross Model
1. Denial
Losing someone you love is a massive emotional shock. The initial reaction is often disbelief: “This can’t be true,” “This can’t be happening to me,” or even “This is a bad joke.” I personally remember thinking, “This must be some sick joke.” I can assure you, dear reader, it was not. Denial is a temporary defense mechanism that helps us absorb the impact. It can last from days to months and allows us to gradually adjust.
2. Anger
Once reality begins to set in, anger can follow. It might be directed at ourselves, the person who died, doctors, drivers, or even the universe. Anger is a way to express deep pain and the injustice of loss. It’s not always easy to manage, but it’s essential for releasing emotional tension. Sometimes we lash out at trivial things—like the wind blowing too hard—because underneath, we’re angry at the loss itself.
3. Bargaining
In this phase, we attempt to make sense of the loss by imagining “what if” or “if only” scenarios. “If I had done something differently…” “If only they went to a different doctor…” “Maybe if I had stayed longer…” These thoughts give us the illusion of control in a powerless situation.
4. Depression
This is when the weight of the loss truly sets in. Deep sadness, isolation, and emptiness dominate. It’s important to recognize that this is not clinical depression, but a normal part of grief where we retreat inward to process the intensity of our emotions. This stage is necessary for healing.
5. Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean the pain goes away. It means we learn to live with it. We start rebuilding our lives around the absence, remembering our loved one with warmth instead of being crushed by grief. Acceptance is the beginning of a new chapter where the loss becomes a part of our life—but not the whole story.
Coping with Loss through Worden’s Tasks of Mourning
J. William Worden’s model proposes four key tasks to work through grief and regain emotional balance:
1. Accept the reality of the loss
Acknowledge that the person is truly gone. While denial may delay this, moving forward requires facing the reality of irreversible change.
2. Process the pain of grief
Allow yourself to feel and express your pain. Avoiding or suppressing it prolongs the healing process. Confronting sorrow, anger, and longing helps you process the loss.
3. Adjust to a world without the deceased
This means reshaping your daily life without the presence of your loved one. You may need to redefine roles, responsibilities, and identity in their absence, which can be deeply challenging.
4. Find an enduring connection and move forward
This involves making emotional space for your loved one while continuing to live your life. It’s about balancing remembrance with the pursuit of meaning and fulfillment in the present.
Understanding the Depth of Loss
When you lose someone, you don’t just lose the person—you lose everything they meant to you. Each loss is unique. The emotional impact of losing a parent, partner, child, or friend depends on the depth of the relationship and their role in your life.
A parent often represents security and identity; losing them can shake your foundation. A partner’s loss leaves a gaping void in everyday life. Losing a child creates unimaginable pain, as it defies the natural order—there isn’t even a word for a parent who loses a child, that’s how deep the pain runs.
Tips for Navigating Grief
Allow yourself to feel: Emotions during grief are complex and often contradictory. Don’t suppress them—acknowledge and name what you feel: sadness? Anger? Fear? Where do you feel it in your body? Be curious, not judgmental.
Seek support: Talking to loved ones or a professional can ease the loneliness. Grief is universal, but how we experience it is personal.
Give yourself time: There is no “right” timeline. Comparing your process to others can cause more harm. Healing takes time, no matter how many coping tools you have. It took me a year to listen again to one audio recording—and that was okay. That was my pace.
Create rituals of remembrance: Keep memories alive through photos, stories, or small daily acts. These rituals are for you—not for others to see or validate.
Care for your physical and emotional health: Sleep, food, and basic hygiene are essential, even if they feel impossible. You may need to push a little at first—but you’ll get there.
The Impact of Regret and Lost Relationships
Grief includes not just the physical loss but all the future moments you won’t share. A parent lost before meeting your child, or a dear friend missing from your milestones—these amplify the pain. Let yourself feel the regret without letting it consume you. It’s part of healing.
Some losses also take away emotional anchors—those who taught us vulnerability and connection. Their absence can shake our sense of self. Grief becomes not just mourning, but a rebuilding of identity.
The Stages of Grief Through My Eyes
Losing my father was, in some way, anticipated. I lived for years with a quiet fear, knowing that one day he’d be gone. When that moment came, I felt more exhaustion than anger. I moved quickly through depression and acceptance, as though my mind had rehearsed it.
But it wasn’t easy. It was painful and, in many ways, lonely. I felt like others had claimed space for their grief, leaving no room for mine. I became a spectator to my own loss.
Losing my cousin was different—sudden and devastating. It shattered everything I believed about life and death. The anger was overwhelming, and still is. I felt robbed—of our future, of the chance to grow old side by side.
She was someone’s child, a mother, a sister, a psychologist to many. Her absence left a massive hole. I’m still dancing between the stages—and writing this article is part of my processing.
Grief: A Continuing Journey
Grief doesn’t end at a certain point. It evolves with you. Each person grieves in their own way and time. Allow yourself to feel the pain, take the time you need to heal, and remember—you don’t have to go through it alone.
As you make space for pain, you’ll also make space for healing. Though the loss doesn’t vanish, you’ll learn to live with it. Every small step brings you closer to inner peace.
You are not alone. Support is available—trusted people, support groups, therapists, or even personal rituals.
Honor your pain while creating a new sense of peace and understanding. Grief is unique and difficult, but with time, you can rediscover meaning and joy, even in the absence of those you love.
